she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
