Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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