you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
