defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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