don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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