Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
