we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
