Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
