My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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