What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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