omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
