Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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