The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
