I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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