May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
