another moral hangover. fuck.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
