one two three fourrrrnication!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
