This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize