It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
