I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
