Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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