Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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