I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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