yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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