You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
