Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
