I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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