She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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