I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
