yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
