Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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