Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
