I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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