my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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