no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
