Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
