??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
