I smell stomach acid.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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