Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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