You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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