you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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