is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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