dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
