I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
