If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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