I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
