I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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