Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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