Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
