i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
a search helicopter?!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
