you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
