would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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