The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
