Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
