I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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