Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
