i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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