He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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