I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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