I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
