GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
