I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
