we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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