i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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