I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
