I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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